Oh, that pesky thing we call expectations. Many people go online to find “the one,” or at least a long-term partner. That goal is fine, of course. But what’s not fine is measuring “success” to that standard, much of which is not in our control. Online dating is not a spouse-finder, soulmate producer, or magic wand; it is simply a tool, or vehicle — much like the gym — that is available for use in order to meet people. With this tool still comes work, time, and personal accountability. And each and every date you go on is part of the process and the journey… so don’t discount that.
Today, Erika and Chris answer three burning questions from clients/listeners: 1) How to let someone down gently, 2) Whether meeting someone will always require “fishing,” and 3) Whether to overlook someone’s lackluster communication because of COVID. As always, Erika answers in her no-nonsense manner, and Chris sheds light on the male perspective. For all previous episodes, check out sowemetonline.com.
On today’s episode, Chris and Erika address the hard topics — race and religion as it relates to dating. If you exclude one whole group, is it a preference or a bias… or something in between? Erika shares some intimate details about a triggering meeting with a new client, and then she and Chris delve into how preferences may be overt or latent, big or small, good or bad… and what it may all mean.
Back in April, when COVID was new to us, Erika and Chris shared their insights on dating and how the pandemic might impact things. Now, over four months later — and still very much in the thick of things — they revisit the topic, shedding light on how dating has changed… and how it might never go back to the way it used to be. With some personal stories, client stories, and stories from the LA Times, Erika and Chris delve into how the dating world has evolved in terms of meeting in person, defining a relationship, and having intimate moments… with a mask??
Whether it’s a hobby, a habit, or an obsession — or a little of each — in every relationship, there has to be a compromise. Do you love Taco Bell but your partner hates it? Maybe get one fewer chalupa per week. Does your partner load the dishwasher in a less-than-efficient fashion? Maybe load it yourself from now on. This week, Erika and Chris talk about people’s idiosyncrasies and how to either work around those or embrace them in a relationship.
In this week’s throwback episode, Erika and Chris revisit two epic stories — one of an uncomfortably short first date and one of a crazy drunk and sexual first date. Totally different experiences but equally cringe-worthy. Then, they talk about how these stories might differ today, in the time of COVID, when physical interactions are limited and Zoom rules the day.
In today’s episode, guest “Superfan Ann” shares a story that, after hearing last week’s episode, she couldn’t hold in. It includes bad manners, soup, and… an exterminator? Then, Erika and Chris delve into manners in general and share how they may differ from chivalry. From opening doors to ordering wine, they give advice on what to do in each unique situation.
This week, Erika shares a never-before-told story about her time on jury duty. There was mystery, intrigue, drama… and a love interest.Erika and Chris then dissect each part of the story, from the infatuation at first sight to the question “Is this a date?” Plus, if you stay to the end, you’ll learn whether the defendant was convicted or not.
On today’s episode, Erika and Chris answer some tough dating questions… often with tough love. Whether it’s about keeping your dating options open, overcoming perceived red flags, or anything else, sometimes the truth hurts, but it’s usually worth hearing in the end.
Why can’t things just be easy? When it comes to texting, or really anything in life, so much is left up to interpretation. In this week’s episode, Erika shares a story about one of her client’s dates and how the interactions can be looked at in very different ways. A red flag to one person may be a turn-on to another. Erika and Chris then delve into how difficult it is to interpret text messages sometimes and then discuss the actual date-planning process and how interpretations may go awry there, too.
When it comes to dating, there are plenty of complications already. But when you add an addition to the mix — to online dating itself, to shopping, you name it — what does it do to a relationship? In this week’s episode, Erika shares a story about a friend who can’t stop swiping, and then Chris and Erika analyze an addiction’s impact on a relationship.
This week, Erika and Chris discussed the article, “20 Things to Stop Doing on Dating Apps in 2020” from Insidehook.com. These range from lying about your age (a no-no) to posting group photos (don’t do it!) to ghosting… and everything in between. While they agree with many of them, there’s one big disagreement at the end.
In this week’s episode, Erika and Chris tackle three men’s dating questions… one about a woman lying about her age in her online dating profile, one about women writing from all over the country on Match.com, and one about a woman showing a photo with a child. As always, the comments are both insightful and hilarious.
We live in a time when no one knows what to do — ask someone out or not, compliment someone or not, make the first move or not? Is it kosher for a salesperson to ask out a shopper… or a shopper to ask out a salesperson? With online dating, is there even a need to meet people “IRL” now? Erika and Chris, while going on many tangents, discuss the appropriateness of compliments, date requests, and much more.
Standing someone up is not okay, but unfortunately, it does happen on occasion. So, Erika and Chris, after each sharing stories about getting stood up, share their top five tips on how to cope with getting stood up and move past it.
Technology can be amazing — we can set our thermostat from afar, connect with family across the world, and, as you know, find dates. But with everything amazing there come a few drawbacks. This week, Erika and Chris share stories and commentary about people hiding behind technology when it comes to the dating scene. It’s so easy now to be incognito that sometimes people disregard the fact that there’s another person — a human being — at the other end of the interaction. Let’s dive right in.
Show notes at https://sowemetonline.com/ and sponsor at https://www.alittlenudge.com/
When you started dating someone, did you “just know” that it was right? Maybe you married this person. Or maybe you broke up. When people say they “know,” what does it really mean? Chris and Erika share some stories about “just knowing” and then address how this language may be helpful or hurtful to a relationship.
From first dates to sex to physical attraction to social cues, Erika and Chris tackle your questions this week. And if you still have burning questions, post them on our Facebook or Instagram pages, and we’ll include them in a future episode.
Sometimes a first date is great… and sometimes it’s just not good at all. Is either outcome an omen for a potential relationship? Chris shares a story about a Disneyland date gone wrong and how it impacted his views on first dates.
Dating has changed a lot, not just over the last few years, but over generations. Especially with the advent of dating apps and technology, dating almost seems like a whole different experience from what it used to be. This week, Erika interviews some special guests, and then she and Chris break down the differences of dating in previous years and the pros and cons as compared to today.
“I only want a man over 6’2.” “I have to be at least six years older than she is.” We hear these arbitrary statements all the time. But when you think about it, are these things really that important in a relationship? This week, guest Miguel shares his story with Erika about his unconventionally sized relationship, and then Chris and Erika delve into the implications on the relationship when you both limit yourself and go outside your comfort zone.
#onlinedating #dating #relationships #advice #profiles #okcupid
Online dating sites are interesting in that they have conflicting incentives — to help you meet a partner and to make money. Erika and Chris discuss this interesting business model, and then they address the question many people have: When should I take my profile down? They then walk through the steps of just how to do that.
Erika and Chris tackle some dating questions from clients and listeners, such as where to have a first date and whether to text someone before the date. Then, as an added bonus, they share some of the worst online dating pick-up lines they’ve received!
Dating can be hard enough, but dating in secret is another challenge. Why might one have to hide their relationship? Erika and Chris share some fun stories from their youth, and then they talk about dating on the sly in general.
Dating can be tricky. When do you kiss? Hold hands? Have sex? Some people want to rush, and others want to take it slow. This week, Erika and Chris (and a fun guest) discuss what it shows, if anything, when someone doesn’t make a move on the first few dates… and what it can mean for the future.
Similar to triggers, sometimes things from the past make their way into the present, whether we want them to or not. Today, Chris shares two stories about how people’s pasts crept up into their new relationships with him, and how it impacted him in the process. We all have pasts, but it’s important to know what stays there and is unique to the person in the past and what should come along for the ride into the future.
A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma. In dating, we may not be talking about trauma like PTSD, but there can still be experiences or words that bring back bad memories. And the thing that causes those memories is a trigger. Chris and Erika share some of their own triggers — some more trivial and some more serious — with listeners.
This week, Erika and Chris tackle three questions from both friends and clients. Topics include ghosting, dating after divorce, and the right time to start dating again.
Hand-holding, kissing, other forms of intimacy… there’s a time and a place for all of them. But, when is that time and place? The first date? The third? And which would you prefer to do first — hold hands or smooch? In today’s episode, Erika shares a story about a first date of her own and then introduces a surprise guest. Then, she and Chris discuss how one person’s hierarchy of intimacy may differ from another person’s.
It’s the age-old question: Can men and women be friends? Erika and Chris tackle this question from several angles, sharing stories of both being the “friend” and the person in a relationship with someone who has an opposite-sex friend. None of this is easy, and there are no right and wrong answers, but just the discussion itself should shed some light on what is possible.
Most of us try to make a great first impression, especially when it comes to dating. Sometimes, though, trying to come off as your best self backfires and you end up being someone you don’t want to be. Have you ever accidentally had too much to drink to impress a date? Or, maybe you’ve done something way outside your comfort zone? In this week’s episode, guest Beth shares a personal story, and then Chris and Erika discuss what happens when you try a bit too hard to impress your date.
Perhaps the most important piece of any relationship, whether romantic or not, is how two people communicate. Can you make yourselves vulnerable? Are you comfortable with conflict, knowing that your partner will truly listen? And when you’re in a relationship, do you know how best to communicate your love for each other? In this episode, Erika and Chris break down what these “Love Languages” are and how they apply to your relationships.
Have you ever had someone judge you for something that’s completely not his or her business? Or, maybe someone doesn’t understand your life choices, so rather than asking about them, the default is to put you down or make assumptions? Being different is great. Being judged for being different — not so much. In today’s episode, Erika and Chris each share some stories about how outside judgment has affected their own lives and their relationships.
Once you enter a relationship, the work is not over. In fact, that’s often just the beginning. This week, Erika and Chris answer clients’ questions on intimacy, moving in, and the age-old question of whether men and women can be friends.
While the podcast often focuses on online dating, in this week’s episode, Erika and Chris talk about offline dating, or meeting people in real life (IRL). How do you know if someone is available? Is it appropriate to approach someone in this climate? Is rejection worse if it’s in person? After sharing their own stories, Erika and Chris drill down on how exactly to ask someone out in the real world.
If you have questions about first dates, then this is the episode for you. Erika and Chris delve into clients’ questions and then provide their own answers to your burning questions, like how long a date should last, when to kiss someone, and much more.
Some relationships stand the test of time because you’re happy and can’t wait to see your partner every day. And, unfortunately, some relationships endure for the wrong reasons. It’s difficult to know when to stick it out and when to throw in the towel. Should you move out or have a baby together? Should you trek cross country together or break up? On today’s episode, a guest shares his story of staying in a relationship despite red flags and then Erika and Chris discuss reasons one might stay a bit too long and ways we rationalize making that decision.
Whether you don’t live near each other when you meet or your relationship has to turn into a long-distance one after some time, navigating the circumstance can be tricky. How often will you see each other? Are you exclusive? What’s your primary means of communication? Erika and Chris discuss all of this and more this week, and Erika shares her own attempt at meeting someone from afar.
Relationships are not easy. There’s no denying that. And sometimes once you invest more time and energy, it’s hard to know whether to keep investing or to cut things off if the investment is not showing you returns (i.e. happiness). This week, our guest Wendy shares a very personal story about a relationship that goes longer than it perhaps should, and Erika and Chris discuss the implications.
Have you ever wondered whether men and women really do think differently when it comes to dating? You don’t have to wonder anymore. Erika and Chris break down how truly different their brains are when it comes to dating, both short-term and long-term, and how even the simple concept of attraction can vary. Maybe men really are from Mars and women from Venus… or maybe not.
So many times, people get back out there before they are ready. Maybe it’s because they’re lonely, or maybe they think they should be ready based on some preconceived or arbitrary timeline. The reality is that, just as every relationship is different, the time to heal after every breakup is also different. Erika, Chris, and guest Claire discuss stories about it. Ready or not, here we come.
In this day and age, with technology everywhere we look, it’s easy to forget that people are, well, people. When you set up a date with someone, there’s a real person at the other end of the equation. So, if you don’t show up, it affects both of you. The moral: Don’t stand people up. It’s a terrible thing to do, and it makes your date feel even worse. Erika and Chris both share stories about Bumble dates — poof — not appearing as planned.
Sometimes even before the first date, things can get confusing. What if you’re not sure how attracted to someone’s profile you are? What if you can’t get over an ex? What if you just don’t even know where to begin? This week, Chris and Erika discuss actual dating questions from Erika’s clients about what to do before the first date.
Happy Valentine’s Day to all of our listeners. This week, Erika shares one of her own more memorable Valentine’s Day experiences, and then Chris and Erika discuss how dating can be different — and more stressful — when it’s around a holiday.
You’re on a date. It’s not good. You want out. Is there ever a polite way to extricate yourself from a less-than-ideal date? Or, is it best to see it through? With a story from guest Teddy as their guide, Erika and Chris navigate the waters of bad dates… one text, drink, and embarrassing moment at a time.
Are certain first date topics taboo? Should you get your deal-breakers out of the way early, or should you get to know someone a bit first? This week, we hear a story about religion, marriage equality, and gun rights… all on one date. Then, Erika and Chris talk about how these perhaps no-longer taboo topics can impact the trajectory of a relationship.
What guidelines should we follow when sharing information about ourselves on a first date? Do you cover up your baggage or put it all on the table from the start? And how soon into a relationship should you turn off your dating profiles? Erika and Chris are back with another session of answering your most pressing dating questions.
Online dating is an interesting place where you promote yourself in any way you choose. We hope that people are being honest. Some are, and some aren’t. Today, Chris and Erika discuss what information to share online versus what to wait to reveal in person. Is there one correct answer? No. That’s what makes it tricky.
Sometimes online dating can feel like you’re ordering a pizza. Everything is laid out on a menu in front of you, and all you have to do is select what you want. But, when meeting someone in person, that’s not the case. We are more open-minded and less beholden to our “type.” Does meeting someone offline who doesn’t fit your criteria affect your online behavior? Hear what Erika and Chris have to say about it.
When you’re dating someone new, it’s hard to know how fast (or slow) things should move… sexually. One person might have one idea, and the other may have the opposite idea. Or, maybe one person is adventurous in bed and the other is more conventional. Erika and Chris invite Rachel to share her story and then discuss the intricacies of sex, relationships, “the bases,” and the timing of it all.
Want to know how to move from the dating app to the first date? Or, maybe you’re texting with a potential date, but the planning of the date itself has stalled? Erika and Chris are back with another session of answering your most pressing dating questions.
Getting back out there after a divorce? Have anxiety and fears about it? This week, Erika and Chris discuss what it’s like when someone starts dating again after having been married. And our guest, Tony, shares his awkward experience… and there’s a rose involved.
Tinder got you down? Not getting responses from your Bumble matches? Sick of all of the matches on Hinge who just write “hey there” to you? On this week’s episode, Erika and Chris do a deep dive into the dating apps — everything from what you write in your profile to how to speedily get to the first date. Have dating app questions? This episode is for you.
Cheating. It’s never pleasant. There’s always more to the story. On today’s episode, Erika talks to Natalie about her experience, and then Erika and Chris discuss their takes on the nuances of cheating and relationships.
Want your burning (hopefully not literally!) dating questions answered? In this episode, Erika and Chris tackle some commonly asked dating questions, with both some timely advice and, of course, some crazy stories.
Ghosting — the act of ending a relationship without actually ending it — is bad, and our guest Becca shares her experience. Then, Erika and Chris delve into other modern dating behaviors (and their “interesting” names) and what they mean for all of us.
Manscaping, grooming, a landing strip or a Brazilian. There are so many ways to wear your hair… down there. For the Season 2 premier, Erika and Chris go a little deeper, discussing current trends in the grooming department. Are there norms, preferences, expectations? Episode 19 is all about going public with the pubic.
While Erika and Chris start planning for a new season of the show, we thought you’d enjoy listening to some of the highlights from the last few months. This week, Erika shares some of her favorite moments.
While Erika and Chris start planning for a new season of the show, we thought you’d enjoy listening to some of the highlights from the last few months. This week, Chris shares some of his favorite moments.
No one likes to be interviewed on a date. So what questions should you ask and what questions should never be asked when you begin to date someone new? Chris and Erika take both sides as we hear how the wrong questions can instantly turn someone off, and how the right questions can easily lead to another date.
How often have you considered giving someone a second chance? Does it work out the second time? When a relationship didn’t work out because of timing, distance or communication issues, we all seem to ponder the question “what if?” Chris shares a story about his 6th grade crush and what happened after multiple chances, then Erika shares a story about a long lost relationship and if people ever really change.
Someone asks you to do something… maybe it’s a drink, maybe a coffee, or maybe a trip to Disneyland. But, it is a date? Erika and Chris discuss how to know whether something is a date or not. Is it the language someone uses when he or she asks? Is it the activity you do? Should we all just be in the dark, or should we just ask, “Is this a date?”
Ah, chivalry. Some people crave it. Some people hate it. Some people don’t even know what it is. Erika and Chris each share stories about chivalry… or lack thereof. Together they discuss if chivalry is about the action, or the motivation? And then they go over some “Chivalry 101” for listeners.
How much online “research” is too much… and do you tell the other person you did look them up before your date? Chris starts us off with a story about a woman he looked up before his date and how he navigated the conversation in order to not reveal what information he already knew about her. Erika then shares a story about false impressions we form when we do find information online about someone, before we get to know them in person. Do you research your dates online?
Are you ready to have THE talk? Deciding to be exclusive with someone is a critical step in any relationship, especially in the world of online dating where options are limitless. Although there are no set rules on having this discussion, Chris kicks the episode off with a story about how one of his dates asked the day after the first date. Well, at least she asked. Erika shares a story about where the conversation probably should have happened before it did. Listen to the latest episode and share your thoughts in the comments below!
This week we discuss when to drink or not to drink on a date. Although some people have a strict no drinking rule, for others, it’s an opportunity to share in an activity both people love. But, can it go too far? Listen as Chris shares another great horror story when his date had a little too much to drink before the date even started. Imagine what you would do if your date went too far at a family restaurant? Then listen as Erika shares a story about a lovely birthday drink. Should cost be considered when ordering drinks?
Whether you love a great glass of wine, or simply need to calm the nerves before a first date, you’ll want to listen to this episode. We look forward to hearing your thoughts. #drunkdates
The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.Have you ever been ghosted? Have you ghosted someone you were seeing? Join Erika and Chris as they explore the rationales and stories behind one of the most cowardly ways to end a relationship.
Has ghosting become just part of our dating culture now? How has technology impacted the way we communicate and end relationships? Erika shares one of the most awful ghosting stories you’ve heard, while Chris looks at how technology has made our culture more afraid of conflict and simple communication. Let’s be adults here, and learn that telling someone you aren’t interested, is much better than not saying anything at all.
Welcome to So, We Met Online. A new podcast that explores the world of online dating, from the first connection, to intimacy and everything in between. We invite you to register, subscribe and join us each week as we take a humorous look at the challenges, pitfalls and successes of dating in a digital world.
We start off sharing a little bit about ourselves and move into a great story from Chris and a flaming cupcake. Immediately Erika and Chris dive into some great topics about what to share or not to share with someone you have just met, and how fast you should take things. Do you have a 3 date rule? Is there a double standard when it comes to sex? See how that worked out for Chris and his date.
Next Erika shares a story about a repeat offender. This is less about giving someone a second chance, and more about being honest in your attempt. Are dating horror stories just an excuse to avoid online dating? Do you love sushi? Be sure to order a couple of rolls while you sit back and listen to this date gone wrong.
We would love to hear your thoughts. Please share some feedback with us and comment on the episode below!